The road engulfed me on the way to work today. It melded around my tiny car and slowly squeezed me. Metal crushed against my skin, piercing threw soft tissue. My blood began to fill the now compacted car. My heart beat hard, quick, 3 beats then dead. Silent.
It moves back. The road becomes road again. Not a living death trap. My car. Fine. Except that I am now in a snow filled ditch. Work was not impressed. I was 2 hours late waiting for a tow truck to get me out.
A few days ago I went to a doctor. A real one. Not Miri's. He said I may have depression and prescribed me something light. "I am young." He stated over and over. "It most-likely just PMS." Of course when he stated that I yelled at him and left without even getting my little piece of paper that stated I might breaking into the psychotic field.
The front end of my car is slightly crunched in. She still runs just fine. APPARENTLY! I fell asleep at the wheel. Bullshit! I was awake the entire time that demon road was crushing me. I felt it pop each of my veins! All I could do is breath blood! Slowly drowning inside my own vehicle.
Fuck doctors! Fuck insurance hacks who only want money after you give them 2 grand a year! 2 GRAND A YEAR! for 6 years! And those bastards cant give me one car repair!
Miri let me call her and vent at 4 am in the morning. She gave me the number to her "doctor" She also placed the first order. All I had to do was pay.
So here I am. Sitting in my room. Naked. Staring at the bag in front of me. Pretty green and yellow pills looking up just begging to try. Taste me. They are crying.
Wait.
They were dancing! sounded like a weird mix between repo opera and phantom of the opera.
He said just take one. See what happens. From there it all depends on my body. What I think. What I do. They should help me sleep....What if they don't...
Just one...What could it hurt.
Friday, January 29, 2010
Saturday, January 23, 2010
January 23, 2010
My mind wont shut up! It is talking, yelling, crying when the lights go out.
Sleep seems more like a chore then a pleasure. Not if I would call it sleeping. Miri tells me I need to just start writing and it will all go away. I will fall asleep while writing.
Work is a daze. I stand for hours just watching people. You do not need a mind when you are security. Funny right. You would think that would be the one time that you would need to be awake. But I will stand...well normally lean and watch as workers clothing slowly melt off, colours pool on the ground, coming together but never mixing.
Soon I am quickly surrounded by unknowing naked public. Showing me that they are as ugly under their clothing as I feel. Every once and a while one will look at me with a knowing smile. I think they see what I see. What is happening but they like it. Flaunting their hideous naked body to me. To those ones I pull out my night stick, walk up to them and crack them across the jaw. A pleasurable, yet sickening crack echoes around as their jaw dislocates and rips off their skull. Blood sprays everywhere covering me and the nearby naked people. They ignore everything. They do not feel the hot, sticky blood quickly cooling and drying to their skin. Dying their bought tanned skin turning sickly orange.
A shiver runs down my spine as I wake from my sleepless dream.
They have been popping up more and more lately. Miri tells me that she has something that can help. But does not want to push it on me.
I am not sure what she means by push it on me. But I am close to trying anything.
Static from my radio almost makes me vibrate.
My supervisor let me know my shift has come to an end. They are sending me home. Stating that I look sickly.
So here I am. At home. At my computer. The walls are laughing at me. Sent home early is like a death sentence. What am I 12?!
My fraying dream catcher seems to be mocking me. How can one catch dreams if one does not sleep?
The liquid colour of public's melted clothing is still stuck to my shoes and pant cuffs.
What if it swirled around me? crawling up my legs, caressing and pleasuring my body. Wrapping me in its warm, colourful embrace.
I shall go for now, I think I need to bring some pleasure to myself.
Sleep seems more like a chore then a pleasure. Not if I would call it sleeping. Miri tells me I need to just start writing and it will all go away. I will fall asleep while writing.
Work is a daze. I stand for hours just watching people. You do not need a mind when you are security. Funny right. You would think that would be the one time that you would need to be awake. But I will stand...well normally lean and watch as workers clothing slowly melt off, colours pool on the ground, coming together but never mixing.
Soon I am quickly surrounded by unknowing naked public. Showing me that they are as ugly under their clothing as I feel. Every once and a while one will look at me with a knowing smile. I think they see what I see. What is happening but they like it. Flaunting their hideous naked body to me. To those ones I pull out my night stick, walk up to them and crack them across the jaw. A pleasurable, yet sickening crack echoes around as their jaw dislocates and rips off their skull. Blood sprays everywhere covering me and the nearby naked people. They ignore everything. They do not feel the hot, sticky blood quickly cooling and drying to their skin. Dying their bought tanned skin turning sickly orange.
A shiver runs down my spine as I wake from my sleepless dream.
They have been popping up more and more lately. Miri tells me that she has something that can help. But does not want to push it on me.
I am not sure what she means by push it on me. But I am close to trying anything.
Static from my radio almost makes me vibrate.
My supervisor let me know my shift has come to an end. They are sending me home. Stating that I look sickly.
So here I am. At home. At my computer. The walls are laughing at me. Sent home early is like a death sentence. What am I 12?!
My fraying dream catcher seems to be mocking me. How can one catch dreams if one does not sleep?
The liquid colour of public's melted clothing is still stuck to my shoes and pant cuffs.
What if it swirled around me? crawling up my legs, caressing and pleasuring my body. Wrapping me in its warm, colourful embrace.
I shall go for now, I think I need to bring some pleasure to myself.
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